The beginnings of motherhood

Beginnings of motherhood are never easy
Most people are not ready for a baby. When the baby is born everything is turned upside down. We need to adapt to this new life situation.
When you become a mom or a dad for the first time, some things may be difficult for you and you may think that other people do not experience the same problems that you do. You may start to lose confidence and there are many questions you may want to ask: How long should I breastfeed my baby? How often should I breastfeed? How should I change my baby’s nappy? What product should I use? Why does poop turn green? Why does the baby cry? The first few weeks after the baby is born are usually filled with many changes. Mothers try to recover from the labour, they are tired, their emotions accumulate to reach the boiling point, and, of course, they get this kind of feeling that their baby is vulnerable and it needs their help.

Time
Give yourself some time to get to know your child. It is completely normal that we will do some things wrong and we will correct these with time. We have to give ourselves time to learn everything, learn how to take care of another human being who is much smaller than we are. You do not really need to know everything at the beginning of your journey as a parent.
It takes time for love to blossom between you and your child. Some moms do not fall in love with their children at first sight and there’s nothing wrong about it. Such situations simply happen. Moms are tired after the labour, there are too many hormones in their bloodstream, they oftentimes fight their own feelings.

Comeback to reality
When women are pregnant they always imagine what their child would be like. But when their baby is born, they discover that the child is completely different. Definitely different from their expectations. It is just as it is and the parents have to accept this. They also need to change their expectations, because this tiny human being was not born to live up to them. Understanding this fact and accepting it will surely be treated as a sign of respect. It would be much easier for the child and its parents. Mom will not drift away with her thoughts (i.e. ‘you were not supposed to cry that much’, ‘you were so calm back when you were in my belly, I thought you will sleep all day long, and you do not sleep at all!’ and the kid will not be stressed about the fact that they do not live up to their parents expectations and they are not loved by them.

Looking for information
It is quite normal to look for information whenever you are in a new situation: you read magazines, books, search the web, join groups, read blogs, forums, ask your family, friends and people you do not know about anything you want to know more about. Do not get me wrong, I am not saying that searching for information is bad, because all of these sources have some valuable information, it is just the fact that having learned all these information you are even more confused and you have even more questions than you had before.
The key to this problem is the selection of the information and limiting the number of sources. You should choose the sources and educational methods that are closest to your heart. Choose the ones that will give you the support you need, not the ones that will criticize you for not being the “perfect mom”. Joining groups and forums may result in a drop of mothers’ self-esteem. Some mothers instead of supporting you will point out your mistakes, criticize you and judge you based on the questions you ask.

Intuition and trusting yourself
Mothers often seem to forget about their intuition when they use other sources of knowledge. We’re genetically programmed to want the best for our children. Mothers also have something that is called a maternal instinct! We often forget about this and use external sources to get answers to our questions instead of listening to ourselves. There is no need to read all books on the topic and attend courses. Just make sure to listen to your inner self.
Do not listen to the experts that tell you not to pick your child up when it cries. These experts usually say that your child will simply get used to it and will be “spoiled” in the future. Listen to your intuition. Pick your baby up, cuddle it and do not leave it all alone in such a moment. Do not fight with your intuition. If you want to know how your baby feels when you leave him alone, imagine: your baby feels bad, it wants you to hold it, the child needs to feel safe, the child wants to be with their mommy. You cannot leave your baby all alone. Such practice will surely affect them in a negative way.
Let your instinct be the judge and do not listen to all the advice you get from magazines and guidebooks.

Be the perfect Mom
Mothers are idealized in the social media. Everyone expects that all mothers will be super-moms. Expectations come from everywhere. That’s why we should act differently! Let’s not be perfect mommies, just let it go! A child needs a loving mother, not a perfect one.
That is the reason why you should not feel bad about yourself when you make mistakes. You shouldn’t fear that you’ll not bring up your child well. A few mistakes will surely not have a too big of an impact on their childhood.
Give yourself a chance to experience and feel all the emotions, not only the positive ones, but also anger, frustration and irritation. Being a parent is extremely stressful: unlimited working time, sleepless nights, a never-ending list of things to do, and a never-ending cleaning cycle, the need to stay focused and answer your child’s questions. Moms work 24/7.
All parents get angry with their children. But they should learn how to handle their emotions so that they do not take them out on their children. Do not worry if you raised your voice. It happens, but you should try to work on it. And if you raised your voice, you should simply apologize to your child.

Grandparents
It seems that they always know best how to bring up children (since their children are adults now). Grandparents give sweets to their grandchildren even though their parents try to promote healthy meals, grandparents let the children do everything they want to even though their parents try to set some limits.
We do have the right to bring up children the way we want to. As a parent you have the right to tell your parents, in-laws and the others that you do not approve of their upbringing methods.

You’ve given up on breastfeeding? You’re a bad mommy!
Many moms are being made to feel like a failure because they’ve given up on breastfeeding. Most hospitals promote breastfeeding, but some of them are so strict that they do not even tolerate moms that feed their babies with modified milk, regardless of the reasons for giving up on breastfeeding. Such an approach has a huge impact on the mood of moms who cannot breastfeed or simply do not want to. They do have the right not to! It should always be your decision whether or not to breastfeed.
These are the challenges that all mothers face. But one should remember that not all mothers are the same. And the only thing that counts at the end of the day is whether our child is happy.

Diet for breastfeeding mothers

Is there a diet for breastfeeding mothers? As a midwife and lactation adviser I am often asked this question. Of course, the truth lies somewhere in between. A breastfeeding mother does not need to follow any kind of elimination diet if there are no medical recommendations for this. However, she should eat healthily.

Having a newborn at home is always a challenge, especially when it comes to taking care of your own needs such as having a healthy, well-balanced diet. I always recommend preparing some food before the baby is born and then freezing it, so that making homemade meals later on will be quick and easy. If it is possible you can also ask somebody to help you during the first days or weeks. Your partner can take a few days off from work and when his leave ends you can ask your mother or mother-in-law for help. In larger cities, more and more women decide to order a box diet. Good companies offer diets which are adjusted to your body’s needs, expectations and preferences. No cooking! The disadvantage is that the costs of such diets are higher than homemade meals. That’s why most mums still eat home-cooked meals.

What should a breastfeeding mother eat? To see what a mom should eat take a look at the current food pyramid. You will surely see that fresh fruits and veggies should be the basis of your diet. Vegetables are a great snack! There are no limits on the quantities of vegetables such as carrots and celery. Eat as much vegetables as you can! Need an idea for a healthy and easy-to-get snack? Turn to fresh fruits which are easy to get and could suffice for a small meal.

You should also eat seeds and grains. Buy wholemeal bread with as many seeds as possible. Eat milk or dairy products every day. Don’t believe common myths about breastfeeding saying that eating dairy will increase your breast milk supply – it won’t! However, you should eat dairy as it is a great source of calcium.

One of the most important things about the nutrition of a breastfeeding mother is eating the right fats. The fats that nursing moms eat can decide about the quality of their milk. Eat “good fats” – polyunsaturated fatty acids. They can be found in fish, nuts, cocoa and good quality cold-pressed vegetable oils. Avoid trans fats and excessive amounts of fried food (if you eat it occasionally, it will surely not be harmful, but you should remember that eating such foods is not healthy for mothers and their babies).

What else should you avoid? Excess of sweets, processed food and preservatives. Most dietary components do not have any major impact on the composition of your milk and baby’s health. However, a proper diet should serve not only the toddler, but also the mother.

Such diet should provide the right amount of all nutrients. During nursing, woman’s body needs more of these nutrients. You should increase the calorie intake by 500 calories per day. These calories should come from healthy and balanced meals. 500 calories is not that much, so try to avoid filling your menu with junk food and empty calories. This can lead to deterioration of your mood, weight loss and nutrient deficiencies causing all kinds of consequences.

With a well-balanced and healthy diet, there is no need to take any dietary supplements. Diet for breastfeeding mothers should cover the needs of both mother and her little one. However, if you eliminate some products or groups of products from your diet for various reasons, you may need supplementation. For example, if your do not eat much fish, think about DHA supplementation. If there is a nutritional deficiency, it is necessary to correct it as soon as you notice the first signs.

Last but not least, moms should remember about drinking the right amount of liquids, especially water. While breastfeeding you need at least one litre of fluids more than you needed before. Apart from water you should also drink fruit teas, herbs for nursing mothers, homemade fruit drinks, vegetable juices and, from time to time, also fruit juices (please remember not to drink too much of these as they contain a lot of sugar).

Remember that as a nursing mom you do not have to avoid drinking coffee. It usually does not affect a newborn, but I recommend to drink coffee after breastfeeding the baby. By doing so you will allow the caffeine level in your blood to drop or be completely flush out of your system, which means that there will be no trace of caffeine in your milk either.

A breastfeeding mother’s diet is nothing more than a healthy and well-balanced diet that focuses on eating a variety of good quality food.